Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas
by AnimeFreak4261
Summary: With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.
1. Day 1

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, the owner raising his head from behind the fridge door, a stick of dango halfway to his mouth. Sighing, Itachi closed the fridge and wandered toward the door, his open cloak flowing behind him.

_'Why the hell do we have a doorbell anyways? It's not like anyone knows we're here...or so we thought.'_ Itachi opened the door just as he finished this thought and ran smack into a....plant? Pulling back, the Uchiha looked at the...small tree or large bush that was placed on the front door step. Looking at it more closely, he noticed a small card wrapped around the...trunk, stalk, whatever it was. Crouching down, he read the the few lines printed on the crisp, white paper;

**On the first day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

Blinking again, Itachi looked at the...thing and sighed, bringing it into the hideout, wondering what in the hell was going on.


	2. Day 2

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, the owner raising his head from behind the fridge door, a stick of dango halfway to his mouth.

_'...Wait a minute, what the hell?? Deja Vu?_

Itachi looked over at the tree stationed in the living room, next to the door and glared at. He had been so hoping it was a one day thing, but the card had tipped him off, and so, he resigned himself to his fate.

_'Stupid leader-sama....stupid Kisame....stupid Konan....'_

The Uchiha opened the door and...stopped himself from running into the exact same plant he had gotten yesterday. However, this time, it was accompanied by two birds, sitting in the upper branches. Once again, there was a card tied to it, and so, once again, he crouched and read it.

**On the second day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

Blinking again...again, Itachi figured the tree was a pear tree, and the birds were the doves, but...where the hell was the partridge for this one and the last one? He heard a sqwacking from behind him, so Itachi turned and saw what looked like a partridge, hiding under the tree. He turned back and noticed the same on the one in front of him.

The prodigy shook his head and grappled with the plant, bringing it inside as well.


	3. Day 3

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, the owner raising his head from behind the fridge door, a stick of dango halfway to his mouth.

_'I'm so going to get fat at this rate.'_

Itachi sighed, looking at the door dejectedly before making his way slowly towards it. He stopped, staring at it, wondering what was on the other side, still hoping it wasn't a plant.

But it was.

Not only was there another pear tree (accompanied by a partridge) but there was another two turtle doves, and three chickens this time as well.

_'What's with all the birds?'_ he wondered as he picked up the card

**On the third day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

Itachi glared down at the chickens, vowing to eat them in the near future as revenge against the person doing this. He didn't know who the hell it was but they were clearly targeting him. And once again, he dragged the tree inside, himself being followed by the six birds that had arrived as well.


	4. Day 4

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, the owner raising his head from behind the fridge door, a stick of dango halfway to his mouth.

_'My god, what is it this time. And why the hell am I still eating dango? I need a hobby...that isn't killing people.'_

This time, Itachi refused to answer the door, sticking his head back in the fridge and continuing to look through it. However, half an hour later, there was another ring...and another...and another. Eye twitching, Itachi slammed the door harder than necessary before stomping over and yanking the outside door open.

Outside was, of course, another tree.

This one was accompanied by the partridge, the doves, the chickens (_'More dinner for me.'_) and four more new birds.

_'Seriously, in one package, I have gotten ten birds. Isn't that a bit excessive?' _The card gave no explanation

**On the fourth day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

_'I'm starting to feel like a mother duck, being followed by all of these things.'_ was the only thought running through the Uchiha's head as he lugged the fourth tree he had gotten into the hideout.

"At this rate, we're gonna run out of space within the next eight days."


	5. Day 5

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, the owner raising his head from behind the fridge door. They had ran out of dango, so Itachi was looking for something else to fill the void.

_'Maybe I should start staking out the door and kill the person doing this...'_

Suddenly enjoying the idea of brutally murdering the mysterious person responsible, Itachi walked to the door to recieve what was on the other side...again.

On the other side of the door was the same tree with the partridge, the doves, the chickens (_'Person must have their own hen house or something.'_), the four other birds, and this time, a wooden box as well.

_'Wonder what's in the box...explosives? Nah, too Deidara-ish.' _Once again, the card explained nothing but what was in said container.

**On the fifth day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**5) Five Golden Rings**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

True to the cards words, inside was five, simple golden rings. No jewels, no nothing. Itachi blinked and suddenly wondered if they were real gold.

_'Might as well try and make a buck or two outta this.'_ he thought as he closed the box and lugged it and the tree inside, being followed by the ten birds once again.


	6. Day 6

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, the owner raising his head from behind the fridge door. Itachi had been too lazy to leave the hideout to get more dango, so he was stuck with Kisame's fish paste...thing, and some apples.

_'That's it, tomorrow I am SO sitting outside to kill this person.'_

Slamming the fridge door shut, Itachi walked to the door and pulled it open, more confused at the sight he was presented with than pissed.

On the other side of the door was the same tree with the partridge, the doves, the chickens, the four other birds, the box, and oddly enough...six geese, all settled nicely in woven baskets. Bemused as to why they were in baskets, the Uchiha went over a lifted up one of the new birds...only to have an egg pop out of it at the same time and land in the basket.

_'What the fuck?!'_ Itachi stared at the goose like it had grown Orochimaru as a second head, before slowly setting the bird down and backing away from it like it was a landmine....or Hidan's cooking. Back at the tree, he read the card.

**On the sixth day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**6) Six Geese A-Laying**

**5) Five Golden Rings**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

_'Six Geese A-Laying??? It couldn't just be six geese? Gawd I hate my life.'_ grumbling to himself, Itachi drug the tree inside, birds following him, then proceeded to bring in the six geese.

_'Guess I'm eating eggs for the next...two months or so.'_


	7. Day 7

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

7:59 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

Red eyes stared down from a shaded tree, roaming across the grassy space in front of the Akatsuki's hiedout door. Itachi was waiting anxiously for 8:00 to roll around.

_'Haha, now when whoever is sending these gifts shows up, I'll totally be able to mutilate them!!' _he chuckled darkly in his head and looked at his watch. _'It's almost 8:00!'_ Itachi, being the slightly insane being that he is, started counting down the seconds.

_'Five.'_

_'Four.'_

_'Three.'_

_'Two.'_

_'On-'_ just as the last second ticked by, a crow cawed and flew away, distracting Itachi and making his eyes flicker away from the door for a mere second. But a second was long enough. Itachi sighed when he looked down and saw the tree...the birds...the chickens...the birds...the box...the other birds, and something else he couldn't make out because it was blocked by the leaves. Hopping down from his perch, Itachi could only stare.

There, at the very back of the large group, were seven swans, all of them in their own little blow-up pools. Scowling, the Uchiha walked over to the tree and ripped the card fom its prettily tied ribbon and read it.

**On the seventh day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**7) Seven Swans A-Swimming**

**6) Six Geese A-Laying**

**5) Five Golden Rings**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

_'Seven swans...a-swimming...what the hell?! At this rate I'm gonna be getting eight flamingos a-frolicking.'_ Itachi then proceeded the long and arduous project of hauling the tree inside, while being trailed by ten birds, dragging in the geese...who were also all laying eggs...and then, somehow or another, bringing in the swans, who refused to leave the pools, or stop moving for that matter.


	8. Day 8

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes drifted angrily towards the door as it rang for the eighth day in a row. Growling, the Uchiha tried to ignore it...again...but once again, the incessant ringing began, so he got up, punched a hole through the window next to him, and stalked over to the door.

_'Fucking stupid goddamned doorbell...why do we have one anyways?! This is supposed to be a freaking hideout, not a message...receiving place!' _Itachi ranted in his head just before slamming the door open...and almost off its hinges...and saw what had arrived for him that day.

Outside were all the regulars...including the twenty-one birds...and this time, they were all joined by eight cows...and the people milking them...

Itachi blinked and stared at the newcomers. None of them looked up, none of them moved from their rhythmic actions...they barely blinked...all they did was sit there, milking the stupid cows, not even acknowledging Itachi's presence in the slightest. Huffing in exasperation, the Uchiha walked over to the tree and looked at the card, knowing it was his only explanation.

**On the eighth day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**8) Eight Maids A-Milking**

**7) Seven Swans A-Swimming**

**6) Six Geese A-Laying**

**5) Five Golden Rings**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

_'Again with the A-Something...ing...Seriously this is getting ridiculous. I should hire some security or..._something_ to get this to stop...'_ Itachi looked up again at the people, still milking away, and sighed. He started lugging everything inside...again (_'Stupid goddamned swans won't stop freaking moving and stupid geese won't stop...laying eggs....'_), before tackling the problem of moving the people. Finally, after about a half hour, he managed to get them to move....while they were still milking. Once everyone was inside, Itachi went in and shut the door, noticing how crowded it was getting, and wondering why no one else had noticed the doorbell, or the noice...


	9. Day 9

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes drifted towards the door for the ninth day, exasperation clearly showing in them. Itachi was slumped against the wall, staring at the door, almost pleading with it to stop _ringing_ already! But sadly, there was no end to it. Not for him anyways...not yet.

_'I've been eating eggs for the past three days, non-stop, and have already drank eight glasses of milk and it NEVER ENDS! I am so going to go insane at this rate...or develop a hate of eggs and milk.' _Itachi sighed in his head, wandering towards the door and reluctantly tugging it open, peering around the edge almost fearfully...except he is Itachi, so that doesn't happen....yeah.

Once again, all regulars were present (and the maids a-milking already having two buckets full of milk each), the air filled with the many a birds noise, considering there were twenty-one of them all being delivered at the same time each day (_'Seriously, where do they get them all? A scientific breeding ground for mutated creatures who gives birth to animals once a day??'_).

And, accompanying the already large group, were nine more people, girls to be precise, all dressed up in those giant, flow-y dresses with the frills and bright colors. All of them were twirling...non-stop...almost blinding the Uchiha with the neon colors on their dresses. Attempting to shield his eyes, which were already bad enough, Itachi went pver and picked up the card.

**On the ninth day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**9) Nine Ladies Dancing**

**8) Eight Maids A-Milking**

**7) Seven Swans A-Swimming**

**6) Six Geese A-Laying**

**5) Five Golden Rings**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

_'Well....at least it's not Nine Ladies A-Dancing....but still. Why the hell would someone send someone else dancing people for Christmas??' _Itachi looked up again at the people, still twirling away, and sighed. He started lugging everything inside...again again (_'Stupid goddamned swans won't stop freaking moving and stupid geese won't stop...laying eggs....and the maids won't stop a-milking...Oh dear god I'm turning into the card.'_), and finally, and slowly, ushering the twirling dancers inside (_'Do they not get dizzy at _all_? Or nauseous? Seriously..._), having to squeeze them in, and then navigating everything else to the rooms he had picked out for them...oh Itachi so couldn't wait for Deidara to get back...


	10. Day 10

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, the owner raising his head from behind the fridge door. Itachi had finally left the hideout the day before to re-stock his dango reserves, so he was now happily (if such things were possible for Itachi) munching away on them, when, of course, the doorball rang. Being in a much hapier mood now that he had dango again, Itachi wasn't..._as_ intent on murdering the person who kept sending him these things. Looking the opposite way of the door, he counted all the things he had received many a day before that one.

_'Not much more they can send me...I hope. They've sent me pretty much every single crazy thing under the rainbow.' _Itachi thought as the doorbell started ringing again. Wandering towards the door, Itachi pulled it open, seeing the tree as per usual since that day so long ago.

Everything else was present as well, including the ladies dancing from the day before, and, just behind them, ten other men, jumping repeatedly across the far side of the lawn. Itachi blinked, stared, backed up slowly, and then made his way towards the card.

**On the tenth day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**10) Ten Lords A-Leaping**

**9) Nine Ladies Dancing**

**8) Eight Maids A-Milking**

**7) Seven Swans A-Swimming**

**6) Six Geese A-Laying**

**5) Five Golden Rings**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

_'Again with the A-Something-ing! It couldn't be just Ten Lords Leaping, it had to be A-Leaping. Stupid card just spoiled my day. No amount of dango or murder will be able to fix this...okay scratch the murder part. Then again, Pein-sama would kill me if I got blood all over the inside of the hideout....but that's only the inside. Hmm...'_ Itachi started contemplating different methods of murder for the things he had been sent. Mass murder or singular? Slow? Quick? Maybe he could plug up the ducks with a cork so they would explode...Enjoying that thought immensely, Itachi once again started the moving process, ushering in the ladies and then the....lords, trying to make sure they hit their heads on the door frame, but sadly, they all ducked when Itachi tried.


	11. AN

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

**Hey guys, I know you're all probably waiting for the update of TDAC, but uh...I miscalculated the days -.- See, if I post one today, the twelfth chapter won't be on Christmas, it'll be on the 23rd.**

**So, apologies, but I'm not posting a chapter today.**

**I just really want the 2nd last chapter up on Christmas eve, and the last on Christmas day.**

**Once again, I'm super sorry D:**

**Ani~**


	12. Day 11

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

**AN: Okay, I'm sticking this in here really quick to say thanks to;**

**Animewolfgirl70**

**Italiangurlinamessedupworld**

**A Clockwork Pumelo**

**for reviewing to my author's note. I know it may seem insignificant, but it makes me feel loved!**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, the owner raising his head from behind the fridge door, a scowl following soon after. Itachi had already eaten a lot of his dango (the little weasel), and so, he had only three sticks left, and whatever else was left in the fridge...which consisted of the same things as the last time he ran out of dango...oh, and a bunch of eggs.

_'I would totally make myself pancakes if we actually had some milk in this place....wait a minute....' _Itachi smacked himself on the forehead for complete forgetting about the...twenty-four cows he had positioned....somewhere in the hideout. Shrugging, the Uchiha walked over to the door and noticed a faint smokey smell that was not coming from the kitchen.

_'Oh dear god, what is it this time.'_ He thought as he opened the door.

As was the same for the past eleven days, everything was there (twenty-eight birds now, eight cows, and twenty-seven people), and at the very back, once again, were another eleven people, from whom the smoke was emitting, as it seemed they were all....smoking... Itachi only shook his head and looked at the card.

**On the eleventh day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**11) Eleven Pipers Piping**

**10) Ten Lords A-Leaping**

**9) Nine Ladies Dancing**

**8) Eight Maids A-Milking**

**7) Seven Swans A-Swimming**

**6) Six Geese A-Laying**

**5) Five Golden Rings**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

_'Eleven...Pipers....Piping...................................What the fuck?! Great, now I have some old guys who are gonna be smoking up the place! Gonna need a room with huge windows...either that or they get left outside....'_ Knowing leaving them outside was probably a bad idea, Itachi quickly went through all of the rooms in the hideout in his head, before realizing the place with the biggest windows was the front room...Itachi groaned at the thought, but none-the-less, once more started the arduous process of bringing everything inside. _'I'm so going to die from second-hand smoke....not that I don't already inhale enough of it from my fire jutsu's, but that's beside the point.'_


	13. Day 12

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

**I received some reviews telling me that the 'pipers' are supposed to be flute players. I am aware of this, I just decided to take it literally.**

**Merry Christmas Eve!!**

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Red eyes blinked, a groan emitting from the mouth below it. Itachi was so hoping yesterday had been the last day of this. The hideout was full to the brim with birds, eggs, milk, people, and now, smoke from the stupid pipers.

_'I thought pipers were supposed to be flute players dammit. I wouldn't've minded a good song or two....then again, knowing what I've been sent, it'd either be the same note...or the same tune, over and over and...dear god I hope I never get flute players.' _ He thought as he strode towards the door, noting that there was some sort of beat coming from the other side._ 'Oh no...what now?'_ Now apprehensive, Itachi slowly opened the door and peered around it.

On the other side was everything else he had received in the past twelve days, and the newest addition; twelve men, all drumming the same tune at the same time(1)...over and over. Itachi twitched and went over to the card, surprised to see something added to the bottom.

**On the twelfth day of Christmas, someone sent to me**

**12) Twelve Drummers Drumming**

**11) Eleven Pipers Piping**

**10) Ten Lords A-Leaping**

**9) Nine Ladies Dancing**

**8) Eight Maids A-Milking**

**7) Seven Swans A-Swimming**

**6) Six Geese A-Laying**

**5) Five Golden Rings**

**4) Four Calling Birds**

**3) Three French Hens**

**2) Two Turtle Doves and**

**1) A Partridge in a Pear Tree**

**We hope you enjoyed these holiday gifts**

**All of them sent in good cheer**

**But be a good boy, Itachi Uchiha**

**Or it will happen again next year!(2)**

Itachi stared at the card with wide eyes. _'What the fuck is going on?! So what, just because I murder people it makes me a bad person? Come on! That's just being judgemental! God, at least it's over now and I don't have to worry about the stupid doorbell going off at eight in the morning...'_ Itachi thought as he looked up at everything and bringing everything inside, organizing it so they were all in their proper places, and waiting almost excitedly for the rest of the members to come back the following day. _'I hope they all like eggs and milk, cause that's all their going to be eating say...for the rest of their LIVES.'_

**AN: (1) Watch Dane Cook's War Flute http://www. youtube. com/ watch?v= AAn7RpSBtyE just take out the spaces. It's the drum beat.**

**(2) I copyright this poem!! Came up with it on the spot too! XD**


	14. Day 13

Twelve Days of Akatsuki Christmas

**Summary:** Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? This is the Akatsuki version. With Kisame incapacitated, Pein sulking, Konan trying to cheer him up and everyone else out on missions, Itachi is forced to answer the door every single day for twelve days. What will he find? I think you all know. OOCness and slight crack.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Akatsuki, or Christmas XD

"talking"

_'thoughts'_

-noises-

**writing**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! I hope you all enjoy the final chapter of this :D**

Itachi sighed contentedly, knowing yesterday was the last day of his torture. No door bell would be ringing at 8:00 AM with something mysterious on the other side. He would no longer be receiving birds, and people, and jewelry. He no longer had to open a door to something weird that he didn't like on the other...

8:00 AM, Undisclosed Location of the Akatsuki Hideout

-Ding Dong!-

Itachi twitched.

_'Who the crap just rang the doorbell?!'_ He growled in his head, pulling himself up off the couch to glare evilly at the door. Scowling he got up, walked slowly over to the door (and around the....bunches of things he had gotten), and slowly pulled it open, a murderous aura emitting from him. On the other side, was Deidara and Tobi, Hidan and Kakuzu, and Zetsu. Twitching again, he growled at them, and slammed the door in their faces.

"Aww come on Itachi! Don't be like that! It's not our fault the door was locked!" Deidara shouted through the wood. Itachi slowly opened the door again and whispered something at them. Everyone looked at each other, and then back at him. "What did you say?" the blonde asked.

"I SAID DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH IN THE PAST TWELVE DAYS?!" Itachi shouted, storming back inside leaving the door open. The other five followed him and stared at the scene in front of them. Packed into the front room of the Akatsuki hideout were twelve people drumming and twenty-four old men smoking away. When they realized they were being stared at, all of the men (who looked creepily identical) turned, smiled, waved, and went back to smoking. Leaning to get a look down the hall where Itachi was pointing, Hidan saw thirty-six dancing ladies, all of them seemingly holding velvet boxes (some of them held two), which were open to reveal golden rings every time they turned (Kakuzu was already thinking of the dollar value).

The Uchiha pulled them all past the ladies (somehow), and pointed into a large room, which used to be a storage room. Inside were thirty men, jumping back a forth. Itachi pulled them back to the front room, around the kitchen, and into the rather large game room. Inside THAT, were twelve pear trees each with a bird, twenty-two turtle doves, thirty chickens, and thirty-six calling birds, all crammed inside one room (all of this added up to 100 birds in one room). Just before Itachi could drag them to the kitchen, Kakuzu stopped him.

"Itachi, where in the hell did this all come from?" Itachi only scowled at the man.

"Do you honestly think that if I knew I'd still be here and not out murdering them?" Kakuzu blinked, then shrugged, the logic making sense to him. And then, of course, Tobi had to speak up.

"Itachi-san!! Tobi's hungry!" the man whined, causing Itachi to finally snap.

"Tobi! Do you honestly think I care right now?! If you're so goddamned hungry, then go stuff yourself full of eggs, or milk, or eggs and milk, I don't care, just EAT THE GODDAMNED EGGS!!" the Uchiha screamed and left the room, storming down to his own and slamming the door. Deidara cocked his head in confusion and went into the kitchen, only to stop dead and stare, The others followed him and did the same. Inside the kitchen were forty (40!) cows, each with someone milking it (full buckets stacked to the roof somehow), and fifty-six (56!!) geese, all in baskets, eggs overflowing them onto the floor, the counters, the furniture, and wherever else the geese were situated. Looking at all of this, Zetsu was the first to speak up.

"I could really go for some pizza." only to be answered with a faint 'EAT THE GODDAMNED EGGS!!!' from Itachi's room.

**AN: there, the last installment is done! Thank you all for reading and reviewing to this story!**


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